I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
