i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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