she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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