And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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