you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
