Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm bleeding and have questions
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
