We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
