I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
