I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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