I'm eating all of the evidence.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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