I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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