sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
