So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
