I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just googled if crying burns calories
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
