I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
