before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
