did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
