Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize