12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
