Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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