drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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