so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
