did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
