3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize