I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
