I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
