Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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