Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
