i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
