Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am naked and annoyed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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