considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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