I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
