im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
