Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
