i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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