How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
