we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
