I am in a vortex of obligation.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
