it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
