dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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