I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
