Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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