It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
