I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
