At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
