This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
pray to the hookup gods
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
