There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
