i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
