My room smells like vodka and shame
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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