I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
