dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't turn off my feet"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
