What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
