His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
