You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
