Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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