My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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