Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
