I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
do nipples grow back?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
