it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize