If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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