You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
