So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
