i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
