wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
