i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
