i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
