I cannot find my penis.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
