Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
