Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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