i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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