planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
