so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
