I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
God, I missed his penis.
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