he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
