I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
